The Bus-Stop Chronicles



[A girl is sitting at the BUS STOP, pink jacket, pink bell-bottoms, white shirt a red scarf on the neck, hair tied nicely at the back, wearing eyeglasses and high black shining heels.]

[Sitting next is a Guy, green suit, green trousers, white shirt, yellow tie, white sports shoes, hair neatly combed with lots of oil in them]

Girl: [To guy] Excuse me, at what time the bus comes?

Guy: Time?

Girl: Yeah, time.

Guy: The time is very bad madam.

Girl: What?

Guy: But you are very beautiful.

Girl: Sorry?

Guy: Oh no no, you don’t have to be sorry for being beautiful.

Girl: Excuse me?

Guy: Oh you are excused.

Girl: Wha …

Guy: What brand of lipstick do you use, is it laurealeee

Girl: Please mind your own business.

Guy: I don’t do business madam. I am a service class person.

Girl: Wh…

Guy: But if you want me to do business I’ll do it.

Girl: Why would I . .

Guy: [Starts leaning on her] You can, a girl has every right on her future husband.

Girl: Gosh . . [Gets up and starts to walk away briskly, Guy also gets up and follows her]

Guy: Madam, where are you running away, why you got so angry, I will do whatever business you want, . . infact I sat at my father’s shop when I was in fourth standard . . I had got a fracture at that time and I was getting bored reading comics . …

Girl: [stops and looks at him in anger] Look mister, my brother-in-law is a police officer

Guy: hey now wait a minute here, now this is a problem with you girls, you see successful men in your family and you want your future husband to be exactly like them, now you want me to be a police officer?

Girl: You? my future husband? Hey mister . .

Guy: Oh sorry I know you have already chosen myself to be your hubby . . its no longer future husband.

Girl: How do you know that?

Guy: That’s why you are not calling out my name too, you are saying mister-mister [gets a bit shy]

Girl: [frustrated] That’s because I don’t know your name.

Guy: [smiles shyly] Mansukh-lal, but you can call me Manshu, out of love.

Girl: Goddddd, see my uncle is a lawyer, and I will . .

Guy: Liar???? I have no problems with that, really. Even if you whole family is full of liars I have no problems at all. We all lie in today’s world, it’s a necessary evil you see. When I was in 7^th standard . .

Girl: Stop pleaseeeeeeee, what do you want?

Guy: I want to kiss you.

Girl: Kiss my ass.

[Guy tries to kiss her ass]

Girl: Hey hey what you doing, you idiot.

Guy: You only asked me to kiss you ass

Girl: Oh God [starts to walk away again]

Guy: Hey madam, you again started to walk, tell me when can we get married?

Girl: Shut up [sees a taxi, screams] TAXI

Guy: But you were sitting at the bus-stop, now you taking taxi?

[Girl gives him an angry look]

Guy: Oh I understand now I will do business, earn more money, you can afford taxis. Good good.

Girl: [Sitting in taxi] Bhaiya, Shanti Nagar

Guy: Where exactly in Shanti Nagar?

[Taxi Drives away. Guy smiles . . . . . . . . then he sees another beautiful girl sitting at the bus stop]

Guy: [spreading his arms] Raaaniiiiii, I am coming.

******

What's the header buddy?

Two Guys A&B

B: #include<iostream.h>

A: #include<conio.h>

B: #include<stdio.h>

A: ?

B: umm . . . . . .#include<math.h>

A: Ohh come on, gimme a break, get some real, man.

B: hmm . . . #include<cooljob.h>

A: Yeah, thts cool, then #include<100billiondollars.h>

B: #include<peaceofmind.h>

A: #include<girlfriend.h>

B: Now,.. now that was wrong!!!

A: Why?

B: #include<homo.h>

A: #include<ohmyGod.h> ...hmm, ok, u make that a boy.

B: #include<.h>

A: What was that?

B: I m runnin outta ideas..

A: Hmm, then lets go to the main func :)

Then, die today.

[A girl is sitting and a guy approaches her.]

Boy: Hi.

Girl: [reading some book] Hi.

Boy: How you doing?

Girl: fine.

Boy: [tries to smile, but he cannot] next week i am going ...somewhere.

Girl: good.

Boy: dont know when i'll be back.

Girl: good.

Boy: its going to be a long journey.

Girl: good.

Boy: to a far away destination

Girl: thats nice.

Boy: actually doctors have dectected cancer....

Girl: thats fantastic.

Boy: what? i am dying .....

Girl: oh i am sorry, please take care of yourself

Boy: what to take care of now ...everything is all over.

Girl: ok.

Boy: doctors say its just 1-2 weeks for me.

Girl: ok.

Boy: actually . . .

Girl: ok.

Boy: Are you listenting?

Girl: ok.

Boy: ARE YOU LISTENING?

Girl: yes i am listening, why are you screaming!!!

Boy: sorry.

Girl: you better be.

Boy: actually i want to spend rest of my time...

Girl: yes

Boy: rest of my time....with you

Girl: with me?

Boy: Yes...its just one or two weeks atmost.

Girl: and what will we be doing these days?

Boy: we will spend time together, and talk, and roam about

Girl: are you a fucker?

Boy: what ...

Girl: no tell me, are you a fucker?

Boy: see...we were frnds... i tht

Girl: what frnds, one talks to you for 2 days and you morons just climb up the sleeves, haan?

Boy: [his throat heavy] i tht . .

Girl: shut up, just shut your foul mouth, i already have a boyfriend, and you know that.

Boy: i won't even touch you, i swear.

Girl: do you know how many bucks he spends on me everyday? do you have a car or a bike even. ..no? that fateechar cycle is the only thing you have.

Boy: money is not everything.

Girl: it is,.. he spends on me, because he cares for me, he has all rights on me, he can get everything i wish, what do u have...fucker?

Boy: [about to cry] i dont have that money, but.. ill cook for you.

Girl: acha? what else?

Boy: ill bring flowers for you, and put in them in your hair.

Girl: ha ha ha !

Boy: [teary eyes] we will talk all day.

Girl: get lost.

Boy: i am dying but . .

Girl: [rises and slaps him] then die today. i am least and the last concerned.

Boy: [crying] i needed somebody besides me....

Girl: i ain't your mother, get lost

Boy: ok [starts to turn around and go]

Girl: wait, wait, you will die in 1 week ?

Boy: [turns back] yes

Girl: you need somebody besides you ?

Boy: [wiping his tears] yes

Girl: then, why dont you commit suicide today only.

Boy: wha...

Girl: yes a wretched fellow like you, no looks, no money, you wont get a girl anyways, go and jump from some tower, or better take some cyanide, painless death.[smiles]

[girl's cellphone rings, boy turns and slowly starts to walk out of room, lights start to fade slowly]

Girl: [talking on cellphone] Yah jaan, m coming, just a lil mood off . . .no no, some idiot guy, says he's dyin, . . no nuthing, i dnt give a damn, m coming fr sure . . .8 sharp,....luv ya....[kisses the cellphone]

[Slow fadeout]

Rendezvous with Deepu Bemisaal

Characters:

D.U. : Deeptanshu Upadhyaya alias Deepu;

(Some children prefer to call him ‘Deep’’trance’shu at their own risk, an analogous character can be found played by some supporting actors in some old - black and white hollywood movies, known for their ‘pyaari’ smile.

Lalz a.k.a Lallan, yours truly : A guide, mentor and dictator to Deeptanshu.

[Curtain opens]
[Lalz comes sauntering, and encounters Deeptanshu all of a sudden]

D.U.: Aapke minors finish ho gaye?

Lalz: [Still under spell of his smile] Hey Arbit! How are you doin?

D.U.: Aabit to nahi hi hu main.

Lalz: Abe o! It’s 'Arbit' not 'Aabit' as you said.

D.U.: Aabit is aabit.

Lalz: How wud you say ‘normal’.

D.U.: [Smiles] Nomal.

Lalz: [threatened] Indeed you have a very 'killer' accent.

D.U.: [Smiles] Accented to nahi hi hu main.

Lalz: To kya hai fir?

D.U.: Hmm, lemme think.[His lips tightly closed]

Lalz: K.K.A.P. hai tu?

D.U.: K.K.A.P toh nahi hi hu main.

Lalz: Fighter?

D.U.: Fighter toh nahi hi hu main.

Lalz: Maggu?

D.U.: Maggu toh nahi hi hu main.

Lalz: Deeptanshu?

D.U.: Deeptanshu toh nahi hi hu . . .ohh sorry Deeptanshu hi toh hu main. Acha ab main jaara hu.

[Deeptanshu runs away howling and jumping to play bat-ball]

[Curtain]

(K.K.A.P : K* ka Arbit Pilla)
(Characters in above conversation closely resemble some people living or dead but still all the comparisons made will be purely conincidential)

Orkut Chat - Pizza Special

Characters

Tharkee : A Senior,

Myself : A Junior

Stage

Artificial Orkut Web Space : Scrapbook Chat

[Scene set at two distant computer systems]

Tharkee: kya kar raha hai be?

Myself: Kya karenge Prabhu, kat raha bas kisi tarah, aap sunao kya haal chal hain inside-outside?

Tharkee: ladkiya kaisi hai teri inside out?

Myself: Ladkiya?? Mazak uda rahe ho, chida rahe ho, theek hai chida lo, ek din hamara bhi waqt ayega, us din keyboard bhi hamara hoga aur scrap bhi hamara hoga!!

Tharkee: sale keyboard ab hi bhi tumhara hi hai aur scrap bhi tumhara hi hai....mai to generally tere scrap dekh kar assumption laga raha tha...aur assumption itna bura bhi nahin hai.....kya bolte ho?

Myself: Ab bhau aapse kuchh chhipa reh sakta hai bhala, jab tak pizza khane ko nahi milta, idhar udhar muh maar ke garlic bread-stick toh kha hi sakte hain, aur itne pe bhi orkut pe khane ka mazaa toh milta nahi hai, garlic bread-stick soongh lete hain bas!!!

Tharkee: teri scrap par galiyaan nahin likhna chahta..bas itna samajh le..
sale garlic bread ki aulad..tune kis kis ke pizza ka slice nahin khane ki fight mari yeh bata..woh baat alag hai ki abhi tera number nahin laga hai..aur yehi baat mast hai ..le tere liye ek naya sher..

woh aur honge jinhe mil gayi fursat tauba karne ki
hume to gunah karne ko jindagi kam pad gayi.

Myself: Yahi sunna reh gaya tha ab, woh bhi bhaau aapke muh se, jise maloom hai ke maine kitna kataya hai, kitni baar laat maar ke nikal diya gaya hu, aur aap kehte hain ke kis kis ka pizza!!! aap bhi mujhe samajh na sake, uff!!

Tharkee: sale pizza ya to apna hota hai ya nahin hota...aur beech ki cheez nahin hoti..mere dost haan yehi zindagi ki kadvi sacchayi hai...mujhe khushi hai is baat ki ,ki ab tu is sach ko jaan gaya hai...jaa aur apna, khud ka pizza kha...yummy..:)

Myself: Ek gum yeh bhi hai, jahan log double crust cheese pizza inlaid with patties aur na jane kya kya kha rahe hain, wahan hame plain onio pizza bhi naseeb nahi hai, yeh kya na-insaafi hai us Sarva-shaktimaan parmeshwar ki, aakhir kyon hamme yeh pizza ki bhookh jagti hai!!!

Tharkee: haan dost ek sachai yeh bhi hai...ki jab aukat kam hoti hai to pehle saste wale pizza se hi santosh karna padta hai ( Pizza treat for Rs. 75 only) lekin dheere dheere jab tum pizza ke regular customer ban jaate ho to pizza wale discount dete hia aur tum kam aukat mai chicken tadoori maha mazza bhi kha sakte ho.
bhagwan tere sabr ka imtehaan le rahe hai...mere cheete..bhagwan kare tu har ek naye din ek naya pizza khaye aur mujhe bhi khilaye...

Myself: Bhau hame toh bas ek onion pizza, bina topping ka, chahe toh onion bhi utar lo, bas pizza base hi khila do, woh bhi roz same pizza base, kyonki ab garlic bread-stick ki khushboo le leke aur doosron ko pizza khate dekh ke jiya jana mushkil ho gaya hai, haath ki bani dal roti bhi ab chhorne ka mann karta hai, kitna kada imtehaan hai yeh, par main bhi shayad bekaar hi aapko pareshaan kar raha hu, apna pizza toh mujhe khud hi dhoondh ke khana hoga!!!

Tharkee: beta pizza to sabko apna hi dhoondha padta hia..lekin experience logo se madad mil sakti hai...
Tu mere hi jaisa hai isliye mujhe poora vishwas hai bahut jaldi tu bahut saare pizza khayega...Amen

Myself: Amen!