ANSWER IS THE SLAVE

Characters:
Q1 : a guy about 25 years old
A1 : a guy about 25 years old

[Lights fade in. Q1 is sitting and reading a newspaper, when A1 comes running and stops immediately near Q1, Q1 looks in A1's eyes]

A1: No.

Q1: What?

A1: No, no, no.

Q1: What no? I didn’t ask any question, did I?

A1: Hmm.

Q1: Then why did you answer in “no”?

A1: I thought there can always be an answer without a question, so I answered you without you asking any question.

Q1: That’s just asinine of you; I didn't said anything to which you could have said “no”. Then, why did you say “no”?

A1: Well it’s all your mistake.

Q1: My mistake? Why?

A1: You defined cause as cause and affect as effect.

Q1: What cause…?

A1: You defined question as question and answer as answer......

Q1: I never...?

A1: ....and hence it’s you who defined effect, as effect to a cause, and answer, as answer to a question.

Q1: Isn't it just ridiculous?

A1: You are a robber.

Q1: Robber? Do you know what you just said?

A1: You just robbed the answer of its freedom; you nullified its existence, its existence without a question.

Q1: What the hell are you talking about?

A1: We always create history as we move ahead on road of life, each second gone is written in a book of history, each second we will be living, will soon be a history.

Q1: Aren't you mad?

A1: Society will ask you one day, if you followed the norms or not, you will be shameful then.

[Now A1 will be Q2 and Q1 will be A2]

A2: I would never be shameful.

Q2: Why won't you be shameful, have you followed all the norms?

A2: We all have to follow the norms. Everybody has to live in this society and has to follow what it dictates.

Q2: You mean the word “should” and “must” were invented after word “society” was invented?

A2: Quite possible, but you are trying to change the topic.

Q2: Did I change the topic?

A2: Yes, I think we were talking about questions and answers, and you have dragged societal norms in between.

Q2: Don’t you think we are still talking on the same topic, question-answers?

A2: No.

Q2: What if I prove that we are still on the same topic?

A2: Prove it then.

Q2: Ok, so according to you, a question is a question and answer is an answer, and thereby a question may or may not have a following notion, an answer, but an answer always has a base-notion which is called a question, is it?

A2: Yes offocurse, i mean there are questions which have no answers found yet, but an answer without a question is unheard of.

Q2: Why?

A2: It simply can’t exist.

Q2: Why?

A2: It's just that, it happens.

Q2: Why?

A2: It’s the way they are defined, a question is meant to be asked, and answer is to be given as a reply to a question.

Q2: Is it some kind of established practice?

A2: Yes it’s the norm of world.

Q2: Norm of world? Or Norm of society?

A2: Oh.

Q2: Did you get me now?

A2: Yes I did, we are still on the same topic.

Q2: Don’t you think we have sort of concluded?

[Now Q2 will be again be A1 and A2 will be Q1]

Q1: Concluded?

A1: Yes.

Q1: What’s the conclusion?

A1: Conclusion is a bitter one.

Q1: What is it?

A1: Conclusion is: "Question is the master and answer is the slave."

Q1: But then...what of societal norms?

A1: They are the question and …..

Q1: And?

A1: …and you are the answer.

What's the header buddy?

Two Guys A&B

B: #include<iostream.h>

A: #include<conio.h>

B: #include<stdio.h>

A: ?

B: umm . . . . . .#include<math.h>

A: Ohh come on, gimme a break, get some real, man.

B: hmm . . . #include<cooljob.h>

A: Yeah, thts cool, then #include<100billiondollars.h>

B: #include<peaceofmind.h>

A: #include<girlfriend.h>

B: Now,.. now that was wrong!!!

A: Why?

B: #include<homo.h>

A: #include<ohmyGod.h> ...hmm, ok, u make that a boy.

B: #include<.h>

A: What was that?

B: I m runnin outta ideas..

A: Hmm, then lets go to the main func :)

Then, die today.

[A girl is sitting and a guy approaches her.]

Boy: Hi.

Girl: [reading some book] Hi.

Boy: How you doing?

Girl: fine.

Boy: [tries to smile, but he cannot] next week i am going ...somewhere.

Girl: good.

Boy: dont know when i'll be back.

Girl: good.

Boy: its going to be a long journey.

Girl: good.

Boy: to a far away destination

Girl: thats nice.

Boy: actually doctors have dectected cancer....

Girl: thats fantastic.

Boy: what? i am dying .....

Girl: oh i am sorry, please take care of yourself

Boy: what to take care of now ...everything is all over.

Girl: ok.

Boy: doctors say its just 1-2 weeks for me.

Girl: ok.

Boy: actually . . .

Girl: ok.

Boy: Are you listenting?

Girl: ok.

Boy: ARE YOU LISTENING?

Girl: yes i am listening, why are you screaming!!!

Boy: sorry.

Girl: you better be.

Boy: actually i want to spend rest of my time...

Girl: yes

Boy: rest of my time....with you

Girl: with me?

Boy: Yes...its just one or two weeks atmost.

Girl: and what will we be doing these days?

Boy: we will spend time together, and talk, and roam about

Girl: are you a fucker?

Boy: what ...

Girl: no tell me, are you a fucker?

Boy: see...we were frnds... i tht

Girl: what frnds, one talks to you for 2 days and you morons just climb up the sleeves, haan?

Boy: [his throat heavy] i tht . .

Girl: shut up, just shut your foul mouth, i already have a boyfriend, and you know that.

Boy: i won't even touch you, i swear.

Girl: do you know how many bucks he spends on me everyday? do you have a car or a bike even. ..no? that fateechar cycle is the only thing you have.

Boy: money is not everything.

Girl: it is,.. he spends on me, because he cares for me, he has all rights on me, he can get everything i wish, what do u have...fucker?

Boy: [about to cry] i dont have that money, but.. ill cook for you.

Girl: acha? what else?

Boy: ill bring flowers for you, and put in them in your hair.

Girl: ha ha ha !

Boy: [teary eyes] we will talk all day.

Girl: get lost.

Boy: i am dying but . .

Girl: [rises and slaps him] then die today. i am least and the last concerned.

Boy: [crying] i needed somebody besides me....

Girl: i ain't your mother, get lost

Boy: ok [starts to turn around and go]

Girl: wait, wait, you will die in 1 week ?

Boy: [turns back] yes

Girl: you need somebody besides you ?

Boy: [wiping his tears] yes

Girl: then, why dont you commit suicide today only.

Boy: wha...

Girl: yes a wretched fellow like you, no looks, no money, you wont get a girl anyways, go and jump from some tower, or better take some cyanide, painless death.[smiles]

[girl's cellphone rings, boy turns and slowly starts to walk out of room, lights start to fade slowly]

Girl: [talking on cellphone] Yah jaan, m coming, just a lil mood off . . .no no, some idiot guy, says he's dyin, . . no nuthing, i dnt give a damn, m coming fr sure . . .8 sharp,....luv ya....[kisses the cellphone]

[Slow fadeout]

Death Does Talk

Yeah m lost, in jungles of red and blue desires . . .

in particular trend lines of this existence, existence demands a lot from us my lovely Lux, we need to eat everyday and we need to excrete everyday, we need to wake up then sleep and we need to sleep to wake up, above all we need to inhale to exhale and exhale to inhale every instant, i am lost nowhere but in these tradeoffs between life n death. So i wanna talk to the latter.

A dialogue

Characters: A Human and a Girl

[Setting: A human is sitting in a cold dark cell, his head bend down looking into nothing, a girl in black approaches him.]

Human: [his head still bent] So you are here, finally.

Girl: You know me?

Human: No, I know of you, but i dont know you. [Looks in her eyes] Tell me, are you . . . .death?

Girl: I don't know, but what i know is that, for you and for now, its all over.

Human: [laughs] Yes all over.

Girl: Why do you laugh?

Human: Have you ever felt like a fool.

Girl: No, infact never.

Human: You are fooled today, it was all over a long time ago, you are just here for a formality.

Girl: You mean you were a living dead? a joke some of you always make? but i never laugh on jokes, i laugh only when i take people to their ultimate destination, and i laugh out aloud then.

Human: Then why talking, take me.

Girl: You are being taken, its just a little time i spend with people in middle of each journey.

Human: Will i get to see a very bright light.

Girl: No, no, most of you ask these foolish questions.

Human: Then where will i reach finally?

Girl: Even I don't know.

Human: Then who knows?

Girl: Somebody does.

Human: God?

Girl: No.

Human: Some supereme being? Ultimate reality?

Girl: [Frustrated] Not again.

Human: Then who sent you?

Girl: We are all here to do what we are here to do.

Human: Ok, can you just tell me, when will i know what i have to know and where will i reach finally.

Girl: [Smiles, Laughs, laughs out aloud].

[Blackout with echoing laughter of girl]

Friday Night

Characters:

Girl: 18 to 22 years of age, a little pretty.
Six men: All 20-30 years of age, dressed according to their dispostions.

[Fade in, 6 men and 1 girl are there in the room around a round table and 4 to 5 chairs]

Existentialist: Lady and gentlemen, I welcome you all to our first meeting of 'Friday night discussions'. Today's topic is : Why do we live?

Optimist: We live because life has a lot of nice things in store for us.

Pessimist: No we are here to suffer; we live to suffer all our lives.

Existentialist: Not exactly, actually we can reduce our sufferings a lot, if we . . ..

Plagiarist: Yes, yes we can surely reduce our sufferings a lot.

Girl: [To Plagiarist] How?

Plagiarist: [To existentialist] Yes, how?

Absurdist: By being a Rhinoceros, [Laughs out aloud, stops] being a man will give you nothing.

Feminist: No one respects girls here; no one has offered this girl a seat yet. [Hits the girl with elbow]

Girl: [Now a sort of bored, suddenly getting furious] Yes, yes no respects for girls here.

Absurdist: No one respects Rhinos too, so what. [Laughs out aloud, stops] But one day i will be a Quarter-master General.

Optimist: I think he is talking about friendly White Rhinos of North Africa.

Pessimist: No, i think he is comparing us people to those bloody Rhinos.

Feminist: [ready to blast off] Everyone saw how he compared girls to Rhinos, such a daring assault is not aimed at a single girl but entire female race.[Hits the girl with elbow]

Girl: [Woken from sleep] What? . . . .yes, yes female foeticide is .. . [remembers a little] killing our roots.[smiles sheepishly to feminist]

Feminist: [Whispering] You idiot girl, [loudly] What are you people doing? Come on, this man is insulting females.

Plagiarist: Yes, this man is insulting females. He must be made to sniff the ground. [Starts rolling his sleeves in anger]

Absurdist: [indifferent and looking at nowhere] Dark Green fires from Reddish Black hell will burn your ultimate desires of having an imparted impulse.

Existentialist: Cool down people, we are deviating from the topic.

Plagiarist: [Rolling his sleevess down] Yes come on, we people are deviating from the topic.

Optimist: Hope this fight dies down soon.

Pessimist: It would never die down.

Optimist: [To the Pessimist, smiling] You will think positive one day.

Pessimist: [To the Optimist, mocking] You will never think negative any day.

Optimist: [Smiles] You will, one day.

Pessimist: [irritated] And you will never.

Optimist: [Smiles] But, you will, one day.

Pessimist:[Very angry] I will? But you will not live to see that day.

[Pessimist pounces upon Optimist and starts punching him]

Existentialist: [Loudly] See you people are making me angry, and .. . .

[But no one is listening to him, plagiarist and girl are seen flirting on one side, suddenly he says soemthing and she slaps him, in turn he slaps her, and the slapping cycle starts between the two.]

Feminist:[To Absurdist] I think you detest girls since you were born.

Absurdist: I think you were never born.

Feminist: You girl hater.

Absurdist: You ectoplastic creature.

Feminist: You narrow minded fellow.

Absurdist: You artless buffalo.

[At this the Feminist pounces upon Absurdist and starts punching him]

Existentialist: Stop it, [Threatens] see I was a dacoit 20 years ago . . .[no one is listening, so he screams] Stop iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit!!!!!!!!!!

[Everybody is fighting horribly and tearing each other's clothes, Existentialist goes out of the room through a black and white door]

Existentialist: [Enters with a Bazooka in his hands, screams] Stop this immediately or i will shoot you all.

[Suddenly a shoe comes flying and hits his nose hard and in rage he fires all over the room, everybody is badly wounded except the girl]

Optimist: We will live. [dies]

Pessimist: Take my final salute people. [dies]

Feminist: Long live the revolution. [dies]

Absurdist: Quintessential apples are here again. [dies]

Plagiarist: Yes, apples are here again. [dies]

[A deafening silence all over the room]

Girl: Thanks, you didn't kill me.

Existentialist: Well, well, so this is life, let's get on with it . .

[Existentialist moving towards the girl, slow Curtain]

Rendezvous with Deepu Bemisaal

Characters:

D.U. : Deeptanshu Upadhyaya alias Deepu;

(Some children prefer to call him ‘Deep’’trance’shu at their own risk, an analogous character can be found played by some supporting actors in some old - black and white hollywood movies, known for their ‘pyaari’ smile.

Lalz a.k.a Lallan, yours truly : A guide, mentor and dictator to Deeptanshu.

[Curtain opens]
[Lalz comes sauntering, and encounters Deeptanshu all of a sudden]

D.U.: Aapke minors finish ho gaye?

Lalz: [Still under spell of his smile] Hey Arbit! How are you doin?

D.U.: Aabit to nahi hi hu main.

Lalz: Abe o! It’s 'Arbit' not 'Aabit' as you said.

D.U.: Aabit is aabit.

Lalz: How wud you say ‘normal’.

D.U.: [Smiles] Nomal.

Lalz: [threatened] Indeed you have a very 'killer' accent.

D.U.: [Smiles] Accented to nahi hi hu main.

Lalz: To kya hai fir?

D.U.: Hmm, lemme think.[His lips tightly closed]

Lalz: K.K.A.P. hai tu?

D.U.: K.K.A.P toh nahi hi hu main.

Lalz: Fighter?

D.U.: Fighter toh nahi hi hu main.

Lalz: Maggu?

D.U.: Maggu toh nahi hi hu main.

Lalz: Deeptanshu?

D.U.: Deeptanshu toh nahi hi hu . . .ohh sorry Deeptanshu hi toh hu main. Acha ab main jaara hu.

[Deeptanshu runs away howling and jumping to play bat-ball]

[Curtain]

(K.K.A.P : K* ka Arbit Pilla)
(Characters in above conversation closely resemble some people living or dead but still all the comparisons made will be purely conincidential)

Act2

[Fadein, Girl and Guy are sitting at an outlet]

Guy: Do you remember the time when I said something to you and you did'nt talk to me for a week?

Girl: Yeah. I was a little immature then and . .

Guy: Why are we sitting? Let's have a walk. Shall we?

Girl: Ok

[They start to walk]

Guy: I am . . I mean I feel very sorry for all that.

Girl: For what?

Guy: I said all those 'bad' things to you, and used to irritate you a lot.

Girl: I told you na, i was immature and you were also immature then, so just forget it. It has been one and a half years since then and now we are friends. Let's sit there.

[They sit at a bench/pavement]

Guy: Yes, offcourse we are friends.

Girl: But one thing i want to say to you, let us always be nice friends only.

Guy: What? . . .Yes offcourse.

Girl: [Still lost in herself] Never be senti on me.

Guy: Yeah, never.

Girl: And we have shared a lot of things, we have been almost together for last one and half years.

Guy: And you know what I feel . . .

Girl: By the way have you written the ABC### prac?

Guy: Not written, got xeroxed from someone.

Girl: Jugadoo. [laughs]

Guy: [smiles] Yes, You know what I feel . . .

Girl: Give it to me.

Guy: Kya? Oh, Prac. [Takes some sheet of papers out of his bag and hands over to her, which she keeps in her bag.]

Guy: [Guy tries to hold her hands] And you know what I feel . . .

Girl: What was that?

Guy: I was just trying to hold your hands. Is that wrong?

Girl: Yes, it's wrong, I told you that day also.

Guy: Can't I just . . .

Girl: No, never dare touch me again.

Guy: But we were supposed to be good friends, weren't we?

Girl: So be like friends only.

Guy: Sorry.

Girl: It's ok.

Guy: I never intended to . . .

Girl: I told you it's ok, we would be make nice friends, always helping each other, hai na??

Guy: Yes Offcourse.

[Guy2 enters the scene]

Guy2: [to girl] Hi baby.

Girl: [With rapture] Hiiiiiee!

Guy2: You had lunch?

Girl: No.

Guy2: Okie then lets go.

Girl: [Stands up] Where to?

Guy2: Wherever you wish?

Girl: [to Guy or Guy1 as you may call him] Okie i am going.

Guy: But . .

[Girl and Guy2 start to leave]

Girl: [to Guy2] You know as we have known each other for last 3 months . . .

[Both exit, Guy is left]

Guy: [Looks in sky] Alas, I am a non-smoker, tea-totaler.

[Fadeout]

Orkut Chat - Pizza Special

Characters

Tharkee : A Senior,

Myself : A Junior

Stage

Artificial Orkut Web Space : Scrapbook Chat

[Scene set at two distant computer systems]

Tharkee: kya kar raha hai be?

Myself: Kya karenge Prabhu, kat raha bas kisi tarah, aap sunao kya haal chal hain inside-outside?

Tharkee: ladkiya kaisi hai teri inside out?

Myself: Ladkiya?? Mazak uda rahe ho, chida rahe ho, theek hai chida lo, ek din hamara bhi waqt ayega, us din keyboard bhi hamara hoga aur scrap bhi hamara hoga!!

Tharkee: sale keyboard ab hi bhi tumhara hi hai aur scrap bhi tumhara hi hai....mai to generally tere scrap dekh kar assumption laga raha tha...aur assumption itna bura bhi nahin hai.....kya bolte ho?

Myself: Ab bhau aapse kuchh chhipa reh sakta hai bhala, jab tak pizza khane ko nahi milta, idhar udhar muh maar ke garlic bread-stick toh kha hi sakte hain, aur itne pe bhi orkut pe khane ka mazaa toh milta nahi hai, garlic bread-stick soongh lete hain bas!!!

Tharkee: teri scrap par galiyaan nahin likhna chahta..bas itna samajh le..
sale garlic bread ki aulad..tune kis kis ke pizza ka slice nahin khane ki fight mari yeh bata..woh baat alag hai ki abhi tera number nahin laga hai..aur yehi baat mast hai ..le tere liye ek naya sher..

woh aur honge jinhe mil gayi fursat tauba karne ki
hume to gunah karne ko jindagi kam pad gayi.

Myself: Yahi sunna reh gaya tha ab, woh bhi bhaau aapke muh se, jise maloom hai ke maine kitna kataya hai, kitni baar laat maar ke nikal diya gaya hu, aur aap kehte hain ke kis kis ka pizza!!! aap bhi mujhe samajh na sake, uff!!

Tharkee: sale pizza ya to apna hota hai ya nahin hota...aur beech ki cheez nahin hoti..mere dost haan yehi zindagi ki kadvi sacchayi hai...mujhe khushi hai is baat ki ,ki ab tu is sach ko jaan gaya hai...jaa aur apna, khud ka pizza kha...yummy..:)

Myself: Ek gum yeh bhi hai, jahan log double crust cheese pizza inlaid with patties aur na jane kya kya kha rahe hain, wahan hame plain onio pizza bhi naseeb nahi hai, yeh kya na-insaafi hai us Sarva-shaktimaan parmeshwar ki, aakhir kyon hamme yeh pizza ki bhookh jagti hai!!!

Tharkee: haan dost ek sachai yeh bhi hai...ki jab aukat kam hoti hai to pehle saste wale pizza se hi santosh karna padta hai ( Pizza treat for Rs. 75 only) lekin dheere dheere jab tum pizza ke regular customer ban jaate ho to pizza wale discount dete hia aur tum kam aukat mai chicken tadoori maha mazza bhi kha sakte ho.
bhagwan tere sabr ka imtehaan le rahe hai...mere cheete..bhagwan kare tu har ek naye din ek naya pizza khaye aur mujhe bhi khilaye...

Myself: Bhau hame toh bas ek onion pizza, bina topping ka, chahe toh onion bhi utar lo, bas pizza base hi khila do, woh bhi roz same pizza base, kyonki ab garlic bread-stick ki khushboo le leke aur doosron ko pizza khate dekh ke jiya jana mushkil ho gaya hai, haath ki bani dal roti bhi ab chhorne ka mann karta hai, kitna kada imtehaan hai yeh, par main bhi shayad bekaar hi aapko pareshaan kar raha hu, apna pizza toh mujhe khud hi dhoondh ke khana hoga!!!

Tharkee: beta pizza to sabko apna hi dhoondha padta hia..lekin experience logo se madad mil sakti hai...
Tu mere hi jaisa hai isliye mujhe poora vishwas hai bahut jaldi tu bahut saare pizza khayega...Amen

Myself: Amen!