The Bus-Stop Chronicles



[A girl is sitting at the BUS STOP, pink jacket, pink bell-bottoms, white shirt a red scarf on the neck, hair tied nicely at the back, wearing eyeglasses and high black shining heels.]

[Sitting next is a Guy, green suit, green trousers, white shirt, yellow tie, white sports shoes, hair neatly combed with lots of oil in them]

Girl: [To guy] Excuse me, at what time the bus comes?

Guy: Time?

Girl: Yeah, time.

Guy: The time is very bad madam.

Girl: What?

Guy: But you are very beautiful.

Girl: Sorry?

Guy: Oh no no, you don’t have to be sorry for being beautiful.

Girl: Excuse me?

Guy: Oh you are excused.

Girl: Wha …

Guy: What brand of lipstick do you use, is it laurealeee

Girl: Please mind your own business.

Guy: I don’t do business madam. I am a service class person.

Girl: Wh…

Guy: But if you want me to do business I’ll do it.

Girl: Why would I . .

Guy: [Starts leaning on her] You can, a girl has every right on her future husband.

Girl: Gosh . . [Gets up and starts to walk away briskly, Guy also gets up and follows her]

Guy: Madam, where are you running away, why you got so angry, I will do whatever business you want, . . infact I sat at my father’s shop when I was in fourth standard . . I had got a fracture at that time and I was getting bored reading comics . …

Girl: [stops and looks at him in anger] Look mister, my brother-in-law is a police officer

Guy: hey now wait a minute here, now this is a problem with you girls, you see successful men in your family and you want your future husband to be exactly like them, now you want me to be a police officer?

Girl: You? my future husband? Hey mister . .

Guy: Oh sorry I know you have already chosen myself to be your hubby . . its no longer future husband.

Girl: How do you know that?

Guy: That’s why you are not calling out my name too, you are saying mister-mister [gets a bit shy]

Girl: [frustrated] That’s because I don’t know your name.

Guy: [smiles shyly] Mansukh-lal, but you can call me Manshu, out of love.

Girl: Goddddd, see my uncle is a lawyer, and I will . .

Guy: Liar???? I have no problems with that, really. Even if you whole family is full of liars I have no problems at all. We all lie in today’s world, it’s a necessary evil you see. When I was in 7^th standard . .

Girl: Stop pleaseeeeeeee, what do you want?

Guy: I want to kiss you.

Girl: Kiss my ass.

[Guy tries to kiss her ass]

Girl: Hey hey what you doing, you idiot.

Guy: You only asked me to kiss you ass

Girl: Oh God [starts to walk away again]

Guy: Hey madam, you again started to walk, tell me when can we get married?

Girl: Shut up [sees a taxi, screams] TAXI

Guy: But you were sitting at the bus-stop, now you taking taxi?

[Girl gives him an angry look]

Guy: Oh I understand now I will do business, earn more money, you can afford taxis. Good good.

Girl: [Sitting in taxi] Bhaiya, Shanti Nagar

Guy: Where exactly in Shanti Nagar?

[Taxi Drives away. Guy smiles . . . . . . . . then he sees another beautiful girl sitting at the bus stop]

Guy: [spreading his arms] Raaaniiiiii, I am coming.

******

Sunny Paaji vs Ram Khilawan

Ram khilawan: Sir myself Ram Khilawan sir, rejident aaf Chhapra. Hum aapka bahute bada fan hu Sir. Ek tho autograph dijiye na?

Sunny Deol: Acha pehle koi dialogues toh sunaiye mera.

RK: Suar..bilkul abhi lijiye[Sunny deol style] “Ayeeeee……Yeh aadha kilo ka haath jab padta hai na, toh aadmi uthta nahi hai . . .”

Sunny: [smiles] Nahi nahi aadha nahi, dhaayi…

RK: dhaai ka toh aapka haath hai, hamra haath toh dui char sau gram ka raha, hamhu fir bhi aadha bol diye saram karke.

Sunny: Haath aapka hai, par dialogue toh mera tha na Ram Khilawan ji.

RK: Ohh maaf kijiye, zara hamra memory fail hui gawa, idhar ka udhar ho jata hai.

Sunny: acha acha

RK: Ek aur dialogue raha aapka…kya kehet rahe….[Sunny deol style] “Ayeeeee, ….Balwant rai ke pillon…”

Sunny: [smiles] Pillon nahi kutton…kutton!

RK: Kutton? Haan ohh maaf kijiye, zara hamra memory fail hui gawa, actually hamra bagal me sarma ji rehte hain, balwant sarma, unka yahan kaali kutiya ne char chheh pilla diya raha laasht Saturday, toh uhaan ka memory yahan beech me entry kar gaya.

Sunny: Kaafi mazedaar aadmi maloo padte hain aap. Acha ab mujhe zara chalna hoga, shot ready hai.

RK: Ek min, aapka ek dialogue raha jo hamra best hai ekdum..

Sunny: [getting impaitent] Dekhiye Ram Khilawan ji….

RK: Phive minutes sir, phive minutes aaf yuar time. U raha ke ….[Dharmendra style] “Ayeeeee, basanti, in chuhon ke saamne mat nachna…”

Sunny: [getting angry] Ram khilawan isse pehle mera dhaai kilo ka haath uth jaaye tu yaahn se chale ja…yeh mere daddy ka dialogue hai…aur woh bhi galat bola hai toone..

RK: i am bery sorry sir, u hamre gaon me chuha bahut hua raha..u karke...

Sunny: kuttttteeeeeeeeeeeeee...

[the sound of ambulance...]

The Rational 'should'


JOURNALIST: Ok sir my next question, what does this phrase mean? "That's cruel."

RATIONALIST: It is a subset of 'That's irrational.'

JOURNALIST: Means cruel is irrational rather than being wrong.

RATIONALIST: In first place, perceiving somebody as cruel is a prejudice in itself.

JOURNALIST: No, no sir, please don't play with words, you cannot prove wrong as right.

RATIONALIST: There is nothing right, nothing wrong. No Devil no God.

JOURNALIST: So you hate prejudices, is that what you want to imply.

RATIONALIST: I don't imply anything, assumptions and implications are the prejudices of first order, both on the part of actor, and the perceiver.

JOURNALIST: Oh…I am getting a little confused now....

RATIONALIST: You will! Just remove all the curtains of old learnings, deep-rooted believes, try to view things rationally and logically, you will feel less confused.

JOURNALIST: Oh, Rationality?

RATIONALIST: Yes.

JOURNALIST: The disease of our time. [smiles]

RATIONALIST: Another prejudice! I think we should wind up.

JOURNALIST: Second -last question! Why do we have to be rational?

RATIONALIST: Well it's rational to be rational.

JOURNALIST: Equation with no solutions.

RATIONALIST: Ok....well rationality is the best and only way of treating a life scenario.

JOURNALIST: Ahan! I'm not gonna buy it.

RATIONALIST: Well.....Personally I feel rationality is the best way to sail the ship called life.

JOURNALIST: Oh so we ‘should’ be rational. Do I need to ask the last question? [smiles]

RATIONALIST:. . . . . I will think about it.

Terminator in Hastinapur

[Thousands years ago in Jungles of Hastinapur, India, a ball of fire originated, and came out a NAKED terminator

He was on lookout for clothes as-usual and black-colored glasses, then he saw maharishi vishwamitra, whose dhoti was fitting his match (on red screen), he spoke...]

Terminator: I want your clothes and sun-glasses.

Vishwamitra: I don't have any sun-glasses.

Terminator: I want your clothes and sun-glasses.

Vishwamitra: Do you even have an idea whom are you talking to?

Terminator: It's all over now.

Vishwamitra: What is over now?

Terminator: I am terminator and you will be terminated.

vishwamitra: Infact the one to be terminated is you.

Terminator: How?

vishwamitra: Do you see this holy water in my kamandal, i may curse u for eternityyyyyyyyy.

[Lots of lightening and thunder in sky]

vishwamitra: You see my power. My voice leads to thunder-storms in sky.

Terminator: Negative, weather department predicted rain and thunder-showers this evening.

vishwamitra: Theek hai, ja main tujhe shrap deta hu....

Terminator: De do.

vishwamitra: Arre, Hum toh sabhi bhashao ke gyata hain, par tumhe bhi hindi bolni aati hai?

Terminator: Mere mastishk ka sanganak, aas paas ke vatavaran se seekhta rehta hai, aur is karan atyant hi shaktishaali vyavasthao ke pradurbhav ke karanvash....

vishwamitra: Aree bas kar, itni mushkil hindi, ab toh mujhe bhi samajh me aana band ho gaya hai.

Terminator: You are forgetting something. You were going to curse me.

vishwamitra: Hmm, i have concluded that you are a nadaan balak, so i am in a mood to forgive you.

Terminator: I need your clothes.

vishwamitra: I have a spare dhoti fitting my size, you may borrow that for a while.

[Vishwamitra and Terminator are now friends, and they are walking down the jungle]

vishwamitra: Tell me why are you here?

Terminator: Classified information, not to be processed.

vishwamitra: Balak tell me, come'on, we are friends now.

Terminator: Negative.

vishwamitra: Okie ill give u some more dhotiz.

Terminator: Negative.

vishwamitra: [about to speak something]....

Terminator: Negative.

vishwamitra: [angry] I'll give you a shraap that your flesh burns in hell for thousand years.

Terminator: I am a cybernetic organism with metallic structure covered with human flesh, even if my flesh burns, i'll survive.

vishwamitra: What do you think, if you wont tell me i wont know. Balak I know everything, i have a divya drishti.

Terminator: Whats that?

vishwamitra: [smiles] I know, Duryodhan has sent you.

Terminator: How do you know?

vishwamitra: He has lost the mahabharata yudhha in future and he has programmed you and sent you here to kill parents of pandvaas, so that he may rule in peace.

Terminator: How do you know that?

[Suddenly Vishwamitra stabs terminator with his kamandal and terminator's body melts and burns due to high electric sparks]

vishwamitra: [speaks like a robot] I am T-1000, advanced prototype, capable of changing shapes, i was here to terminate you, and you are hereby terminated.

Terminator: [dying] Who sent you?

vishwamitra: Prabhu Sri-Krishna.

ANSWER IS THE SLAVE

Characters:
Q1 : a guy about 25 years old
A1 : a guy about 25 years old

[Lights fade in. Q1 is sitting and reading a newspaper, when A1 comes running and stops immediately near Q1, Q1 looks in A1's eyes]

A1: No.

Q1: What?

A1: No, no, no.

Q1: What no? I didn’t ask any question, did I?

A1: Hmm.

Q1: Then why did you answer in “no”?

A1: I thought there can always be an answer without a question, so I answered you without you asking any question.

Q1: That’s just asinine of you; I didn't said anything to which you could have said “no”. Then, why did you say “no”?

A1: Well it’s all your mistake.

Q1: My mistake? Why?

A1: You defined cause as cause and affect as effect.

Q1: What cause…?

A1: You defined question as question and answer as answer......

Q1: I never...?

A1: ....and hence it’s you who defined effect, as effect to a cause, and answer, as answer to a question.

Q1: Isn't it just ridiculous?

A1: You are a robber.

Q1: Robber? Do you know what you just said?

A1: You just robbed the answer of its freedom; you nullified its existence, its existence without a question.

Q1: What the hell are you talking about?

A1: We always create history as we move ahead on road of life, each second gone is written in a book of history, each second we will be living, will soon be a history.

Q1: Aren't you mad?

A1: Society will ask you one day, if you followed the norms or not, you will be shameful then.

[Now A1 will be Q2 and Q1 will be A2]

A2: I would never be shameful.

Q2: Why won't you be shameful, have you followed all the norms?

A2: We all have to follow the norms. Everybody has to live in this society and has to follow what it dictates.

Q2: You mean the word “should” and “must” were invented after word “society” was invented?

A2: Quite possible, but you are trying to change the topic.

Q2: Did I change the topic?

A2: Yes, I think we were talking about questions and answers, and you have dragged societal norms in between.

Q2: Don’t you think we are still talking on the same topic, question-answers?

A2: No.

Q2: What if I prove that we are still on the same topic?

A2: Prove it then.

Q2: Ok, so according to you, a question is a question and answer is an answer, and thereby a question may or may not have a following notion, an answer, but an answer always has a base-notion which is called a question, is it?

A2: Yes offocurse, i mean there are questions which have no answers found yet, but an answer without a question is unheard of.

Q2: Why?

A2: It simply can’t exist.

Q2: Why?

A2: It's just that, it happens.

Q2: Why?

A2: It’s the way they are defined, a question is meant to be asked, and answer is to be given as a reply to a question.

Q2: Is it some kind of established practice?

A2: Yes it’s the norm of world.

Q2: Norm of world? Or Norm of society?

A2: Oh.

Q2: Did you get me now?

A2: Yes I did, we are still on the same topic.

Q2: Don’t you think we have sort of concluded?

[Now Q2 will be again be A1 and A2 will be Q1]

Q1: Concluded?

A1: Yes.

Q1: What’s the conclusion?

A1: Conclusion is a bitter one.

Q1: What is it?

A1: Conclusion is: "Question is the master and answer is the slave."

Q1: But then...what of societal norms?

A1: They are the question and …..

Q1: And?

A1: …and you are the answer.

What's the header buddy?

Two Guys A&B

B: #include<iostream.h>

A: #include<conio.h>

B: #include<stdio.h>

A: ?

B: umm . . . . . .#include<math.h>

A: Ohh come on, gimme a break, get some real, man.

B: hmm . . . #include<cooljob.h>

A: Yeah, thts cool, then #include<100billiondollars.h>

B: #include<peaceofmind.h>

A: #include<girlfriend.h>

B: Now,.. now that was wrong!!!

A: Why?

B: #include<homo.h>

A: #include<ohmyGod.h> ...hmm, ok, u make that a boy.

B: #include<.h>

A: What was that?

B: I m runnin outta ideas..

A: Hmm, then lets go to the main func :)

Then, die today.

[A girl is sitting and a guy approaches her.]

Boy: Hi.

Girl: [reading some book] Hi.

Boy: How you doing?

Girl: fine.

Boy: [tries to smile, but he cannot] next week i am going ...somewhere.

Girl: good.

Boy: dont know when i'll be back.

Girl: good.

Boy: its going to be a long journey.

Girl: good.

Boy: to a far away destination

Girl: thats nice.

Boy: actually doctors have dectected cancer....

Girl: thats fantastic.

Boy: what? i am dying .....

Girl: oh i am sorry, please take care of yourself

Boy: what to take care of now ...everything is all over.

Girl: ok.

Boy: doctors say its just 1-2 weeks for me.

Girl: ok.

Boy: actually . . .

Girl: ok.

Boy: Are you listenting?

Girl: ok.

Boy: ARE YOU LISTENING?

Girl: yes i am listening, why are you screaming!!!

Boy: sorry.

Girl: you better be.

Boy: actually i want to spend rest of my time...

Girl: yes

Boy: rest of my time....with you

Girl: with me?

Boy: Yes...its just one or two weeks atmost.

Girl: and what will we be doing these days?

Boy: we will spend time together, and talk, and roam about

Girl: are you a fucker?

Boy: what ...

Girl: no tell me, are you a fucker?

Boy: see...we were frnds... i tht

Girl: what frnds, one talks to you for 2 days and you morons just climb up the sleeves, haan?

Boy: [his throat heavy] i tht . .

Girl: shut up, just shut your foul mouth, i already have a boyfriend, and you know that.

Boy: i won't even touch you, i swear.

Girl: do you know how many bucks he spends on me everyday? do you have a car or a bike even. ..no? that fateechar cycle is the only thing you have.

Boy: money is not everything.

Girl: it is,.. he spends on me, because he cares for me, he has all rights on me, he can get everything i wish, what do u have...fucker?

Boy: [about to cry] i dont have that money, but.. ill cook for you.

Girl: acha? what else?

Boy: ill bring flowers for you, and put in them in your hair.

Girl: ha ha ha !

Boy: [teary eyes] we will talk all day.

Girl: get lost.

Boy: i am dying but . .

Girl: [rises and slaps him] then die today. i am least and the last concerned.

Boy: [crying] i needed somebody besides me....

Girl: i ain't your mother, get lost

Boy: ok [starts to turn around and go]

Girl: wait, wait, you will die in 1 week ?

Boy: [turns back] yes

Girl: you need somebody besides you ?

Boy: [wiping his tears] yes

Girl: then, why dont you commit suicide today only.

Boy: wha...

Girl: yes a wretched fellow like you, no looks, no money, you wont get a girl anyways, go and jump from some tower, or better take some cyanide, painless death.[smiles]

[girl's cellphone rings, boy turns and slowly starts to walk out of room, lights start to fade slowly]

Girl: [talking on cellphone] Yah jaan, m coming, just a lil mood off . . .no no, some idiot guy, says he's dyin, . . no nuthing, i dnt give a damn, m coming fr sure . . .8 sharp,....luv ya....[kisses the cellphone]

[Slow fadeout]

Death Does Talk

Yeah m lost, in jungles of red and blue desires . . .

in particular trend lines of this existence, existence demands a lot from us my lovely Lux, we need to eat everyday and we need to excrete everyday, we need to wake up then sleep and we need to sleep to wake up, above all we need to inhale to exhale and exhale to inhale every instant, i am lost nowhere but in these tradeoffs between life n death. So i wanna talk to the latter.

A dialogue

Characters: A Human and a Girl

[Setting: A human is sitting in a cold dark cell, his head bend down looking into nothing, a girl in black approaches him.]

Human: [his head still bent] So you are here, finally.

Girl: You know me?

Human: No, I know of you, but i dont know you. [Looks in her eyes] Tell me, are you . . . .death?

Girl: I don't know, but what i know is that, for you and for now, its all over.

Human: [laughs] Yes all over.

Girl: Why do you laugh?

Human: Have you ever felt like a fool.

Girl: No, infact never.

Human: You are fooled today, it was all over a long time ago, you are just here for a formality.

Girl: You mean you were a living dead? a joke some of you always make? but i never laugh on jokes, i laugh only when i take people to their ultimate destination, and i laugh out aloud then.

Human: Then why talking, take me.

Girl: You are being taken, its just a little time i spend with people in middle of each journey.

Human: Will i get to see a very bright light.

Girl: No, no, most of you ask these foolish questions.

Human: Then where will i reach finally?

Girl: Even I don't know.

Human: Then who knows?

Girl: Somebody does.

Human: God?

Girl: No.

Human: Some supereme being? Ultimate reality?

Girl: [Frustrated] Not again.

Human: Then who sent you?

Girl: We are all here to do what we are here to do.

Human: Ok, can you just tell me, when will i know what i have to know and where will i reach finally.

Girl: [Smiles, Laughs, laughs out aloud].

[Blackout with echoing laughter of girl]

Friday Night

Characters:

Girl: 18 to 22 years of age, a little pretty.
Six men: All 20-30 years of age, dressed according to their dispostions.

[Fade in, 6 men and 1 girl are there in the room around a round table and 4 to 5 chairs]

Existentialist: Lady and gentlemen, I welcome you all to our first meeting of 'Friday night discussions'. Today's topic is : Why do we live?

Optimist: We live because life has a lot of nice things in store for us.

Pessimist: No we are here to suffer; we live to suffer all our lives.

Existentialist: Not exactly, actually we can reduce our sufferings a lot, if we . . ..

Plagiarist: Yes, yes we can surely reduce our sufferings a lot.

Girl: [To Plagiarist] How?

Plagiarist: [To existentialist] Yes, how?

Absurdist: By being a Rhinoceros, [Laughs out aloud, stops] being a man will give you nothing.

Feminist: No one respects girls here; no one has offered this girl a seat yet. [Hits the girl with elbow]

Girl: [Now a sort of bored, suddenly getting furious] Yes, yes no respects for girls here.

Absurdist: No one respects Rhinos too, so what. [Laughs out aloud, stops] But one day i will be a Quarter-master General.

Optimist: I think he is talking about friendly White Rhinos of North Africa.

Pessimist: No, i think he is comparing us people to those bloody Rhinos.

Feminist: [ready to blast off] Everyone saw how he compared girls to Rhinos, such a daring assault is not aimed at a single girl but entire female race.[Hits the girl with elbow]

Girl: [Woken from sleep] What? . . . .yes, yes female foeticide is .. . [remembers a little] killing our roots.[smiles sheepishly to feminist]

Feminist: [Whispering] You idiot girl, [loudly] What are you people doing? Come on, this man is insulting females.

Plagiarist: Yes, this man is insulting females. He must be made to sniff the ground. [Starts rolling his sleeves in anger]

Absurdist: [indifferent and looking at nowhere] Dark Green fires from Reddish Black hell will burn your ultimate desires of having an imparted impulse.

Existentialist: Cool down people, we are deviating from the topic.

Plagiarist: [Rolling his sleevess down] Yes come on, we people are deviating from the topic.

Optimist: Hope this fight dies down soon.

Pessimist: It would never die down.

Optimist: [To the Pessimist, smiling] You will think positive one day.

Pessimist: [To the Optimist, mocking] You will never think negative any day.

Optimist: [Smiles] You will, one day.

Pessimist: [irritated] And you will never.

Optimist: [Smiles] But, you will, one day.

Pessimist:[Very angry] I will? But you will not live to see that day.

[Pessimist pounces upon Optimist and starts punching him]

Existentialist: [Loudly] See you people are making me angry, and .. . .

[But no one is listening to him, plagiarist and girl are seen flirting on one side, suddenly he says soemthing and she slaps him, in turn he slaps her, and the slapping cycle starts between the two.]

Feminist:[To Absurdist] I think you detest girls since you were born.

Absurdist: I think you were never born.

Feminist: You girl hater.

Absurdist: You ectoplastic creature.

Feminist: You narrow minded fellow.

Absurdist: You artless buffalo.

[At this the Feminist pounces upon Absurdist and starts punching him]

Existentialist: Stop it, [Threatens] see I was a dacoit 20 years ago . . .[no one is listening, so he screams] Stop iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit!!!!!!!!!!

[Everybody is fighting horribly and tearing each other's clothes, Existentialist goes out of the room through a black and white door]

Existentialist: [Enters with a Bazooka in his hands, screams] Stop this immediately or i will shoot you all.

[Suddenly a shoe comes flying and hits his nose hard and in rage he fires all over the room, everybody is badly wounded except the girl]

Optimist: We will live. [dies]

Pessimist: Take my final salute people. [dies]

Feminist: Long live the revolution. [dies]

Absurdist: Quintessential apples are here again. [dies]

Plagiarist: Yes, apples are here again. [dies]

[A deafening silence all over the room]

Girl: Thanks, you didn't kill me.

Existentialist: Well, well, so this is life, let's get on with it . .

[Existentialist moving towards the girl, slow Curtain]

Rendezvous with Deepu Bemisaal

Characters:

D.U. : Deeptanshu Upadhyaya alias Deepu;

(Some children prefer to call him ‘Deep’’trance’shu at their own risk, an analogous character can be found played by some supporting actors in some old - black and white hollywood movies, known for their ‘pyaari’ smile.

Lalz a.k.a Lallan, yours truly : A guide, mentor and dictator to Deeptanshu.

[Curtain opens]
[Lalz comes sauntering, and encounters Deeptanshu all of a sudden]

D.U.: Aapke minors finish ho gaye?

Lalz: [Still under spell of his smile] Hey Arbit! How are you doin?

D.U.: Aabit to nahi hi hu main.

Lalz: Abe o! It’s 'Arbit' not 'Aabit' as you said.

D.U.: Aabit is aabit.

Lalz: How wud you say ‘normal’.

D.U.: [Smiles] Nomal.

Lalz: [threatened] Indeed you have a very 'killer' accent.

D.U.: [Smiles] Accented to nahi hi hu main.

Lalz: To kya hai fir?

D.U.: Hmm, lemme think.[His lips tightly closed]

Lalz: K.K.A.P. hai tu?

D.U.: K.K.A.P toh nahi hi hu main.

Lalz: Fighter?

D.U.: Fighter toh nahi hi hu main.

Lalz: Maggu?

D.U.: Maggu toh nahi hi hu main.

Lalz: Deeptanshu?

D.U.: Deeptanshu toh nahi hi hu . . .ohh sorry Deeptanshu hi toh hu main. Acha ab main jaara hu.

[Deeptanshu runs away howling and jumping to play bat-ball]

[Curtain]

(K.K.A.P : K* ka Arbit Pilla)
(Characters in above conversation closely resemble some people living or dead but still all the comparisons made will be purely conincidential)

Act2

[Fadein, Girl and Guy are sitting at an outlet]

Guy: Do you remember the time when I said something to you and you did'nt talk to me for a week?

Girl: Yeah. I was a little immature then and . .

Guy: Why are we sitting? Let's have a walk. Shall we?

Girl: Ok

[They start to walk]

Guy: I am . . I mean I feel very sorry for all that.

Girl: For what?

Guy: I said all those 'bad' things to you, and used to irritate you a lot.

Girl: I told you na, i was immature and you were also immature then, so just forget it. It has been one and a half years since then and now we are friends. Let's sit there.

[They sit at a bench/pavement]

Guy: Yes, offcourse we are friends.

Girl: But one thing i want to say to you, let us always be nice friends only.

Guy: What? . . .Yes offcourse.

Girl: [Still lost in herself] Never be senti on me.

Guy: Yeah, never.

Girl: And we have shared a lot of things, we have been almost together for last one and half years.

Guy: And you know what I feel . . .

Girl: By the way have you written the ABC### prac?

Guy: Not written, got xeroxed from someone.

Girl: Jugadoo. [laughs]

Guy: [smiles] Yes, You know what I feel . . .

Girl: Give it to me.

Guy: Kya? Oh, Prac. [Takes some sheet of papers out of his bag and hands over to her, which she keeps in her bag.]

Guy: [Guy tries to hold her hands] And you know what I feel . . .

Girl: What was that?

Guy: I was just trying to hold your hands. Is that wrong?

Girl: Yes, it's wrong, I told you that day also.

Guy: Can't I just . . .

Girl: No, never dare touch me again.

Guy: But we were supposed to be good friends, weren't we?

Girl: So be like friends only.

Guy: Sorry.

Girl: It's ok.

Guy: I never intended to . . .

Girl: I told you it's ok, we would be make nice friends, always helping each other, hai na??

Guy: Yes Offcourse.

[Guy2 enters the scene]

Guy2: [to girl] Hi baby.

Girl: [With rapture] Hiiiiiee!

Guy2: You had lunch?

Girl: No.

Guy2: Okie then lets go.

Girl: [Stands up] Where to?

Guy2: Wherever you wish?

Girl: [to Guy or Guy1 as you may call him] Okie i am going.

Guy: But . .

[Girl and Guy2 start to leave]

Girl: [to Guy2] You know as we have known each other for last 3 months . . .

[Both exit, Guy is left]

Guy: [Looks in sky] Alas, I am a non-smoker, tea-totaler.

[Fadeout]

Orkut Chat - Pizza Special

Characters

Tharkee : A Senior,

Myself : A Junior

Stage

Artificial Orkut Web Space : Scrapbook Chat

[Scene set at two distant computer systems]

Tharkee: kya kar raha hai be?

Myself: Kya karenge Prabhu, kat raha bas kisi tarah, aap sunao kya haal chal hain inside-outside?

Tharkee: ladkiya kaisi hai teri inside out?

Myself: Ladkiya?? Mazak uda rahe ho, chida rahe ho, theek hai chida lo, ek din hamara bhi waqt ayega, us din keyboard bhi hamara hoga aur scrap bhi hamara hoga!!

Tharkee: sale keyboard ab hi bhi tumhara hi hai aur scrap bhi tumhara hi hai....mai to generally tere scrap dekh kar assumption laga raha tha...aur assumption itna bura bhi nahin hai.....kya bolte ho?

Myself: Ab bhau aapse kuchh chhipa reh sakta hai bhala, jab tak pizza khane ko nahi milta, idhar udhar muh maar ke garlic bread-stick toh kha hi sakte hain, aur itne pe bhi orkut pe khane ka mazaa toh milta nahi hai, garlic bread-stick soongh lete hain bas!!!

Tharkee: teri scrap par galiyaan nahin likhna chahta..bas itna samajh le..
sale garlic bread ki aulad..tune kis kis ke pizza ka slice nahin khane ki fight mari yeh bata..woh baat alag hai ki abhi tera number nahin laga hai..aur yehi baat mast hai ..le tere liye ek naya sher..

woh aur honge jinhe mil gayi fursat tauba karne ki
hume to gunah karne ko jindagi kam pad gayi.

Myself: Yahi sunna reh gaya tha ab, woh bhi bhaau aapke muh se, jise maloom hai ke maine kitna kataya hai, kitni baar laat maar ke nikal diya gaya hu, aur aap kehte hain ke kis kis ka pizza!!! aap bhi mujhe samajh na sake, uff!!

Tharkee: sale pizza ya to apna hota hai ya nahin hota...aur beech ki cheez nahin hoti..mere dost haan yehi zindagi ki kadvi sacchayi hai...mujhe khushi hai is baat ki ,ki ab tu is sach ko jaan gaya hai...jaa aur apna, khud ka pizza kha...yummy..:)

Myself: Ek gum yeh bhi hai, jahan log double crust cheese pizza inlaid with patties aur na jane kya kya kha rahe hain, wahan hame plain onio pizza bhi naseeb nahi hai, yeh kya na-insaafi hai us Sarva-shaktimaan parmeshwar ki, aakhir kyon hamme yeh pizza ki bhookh jagti hai!!!

Tharkee: haan dost ek sachai yeh bhi hai...ki jab aukat kam hoti hai to pehle saste wale pizza se hi santosh karna padta hai ( Pizza treat for Rs. 75 only) lekin dheere dheere jab tum pizza ke regular customer ban jaate ho to pizza wale discount dete hia aur tum kam aukat mai chicken tadoori maha mazza bhi kha sakte ho.
bhagwan tere sabr ka imtehaan le rahe hai...mere cheete..bhagwan kare tu har ek naye din ek naya pizza khaye aur mujhe bhi khilaye...

Myself: Bhau hame toh bas ek onion pizza, bina topping ka, chahe toh onion bhi utar lo, bas pizza base hi khila do, woh bhi roz same pizza base, kyonki ab garlic bread-stick ki khushboo le leke aur doosron ko pizza khate dekh ke jiya jana mushkil ho gaya hai, haath ki bani dal roti bhi ab chhorne ka mann karta hai, kitna kada imtehaan hai yeh, par main bhi shayad bekaar hi aapko pareshaan kar raha hu, apna pizza toh mujhe khud hi dhoondh ke khana hoga!!!

Tharkee: beta pizza to sabko apna hi dhoondha padta hia..lekin experience logo se madad mil sakti hai...
Tu mere hi jaisa hai isliye mujhe poora vishwas hai bahut jaldi tu bahut saare pizza khayega...Amen

Myself: Amen!

Act 1

(Fade in. A girl is reading some books in library and is perfectly engrossed in them a guy comes and stops to watch her and then accosts her.)

Guy: Hiiiiie . .,

Girl: Hi.

Guy: How are you?

Girl: Hmm.

Guy: Nice dress!

Girl: Hmm.

Guy: Nice, so how is your sister?

Girl: Hmm.

Guy: So, she is also well, nice . Okie but i hope you still don't run away with her clothes when she is bathing in the river near you village house, he he he
(gives an affected laugh but stops to see no reaction from girl),
okie. so tell me something.

Girl: Hmm.

Guy: Nice well said, i tell you it's really cool, infact it is absolutely perfect .

Girl: (stares him for one moment then gets back to work)

Guy: So how was your examination result?

Girl: Hmm.

Guy: (now a little frustrated) Ohh nice, very nice infact.

Girl: Hmm.

Guy: (Very frustrated now and starts to be sasrcastic) Hmm? What Hmm? Oh i understand , this happens to all of us when we encounter failure in life.

Girl: Hmm.

Girl: (Lunatic) Oh but i have heard that . . . that u have failed in all other subjects too.

Girl: What are you babbling? (Looks at him and gets back to work).

Guy: (In same mode, teasing but innocently) And that you have been debarred from college . .. .

Girl: What are you saying? Are you drunk?

Guy: .. . . and the chief proctor has ridiculed you and your parents in the front of whole class for your cheap behaviour with fellows and professors , . . .

Girl: (Feeling suddenly insulted and maligned) What? Come again?

Guy: (In the same teasing mode). . .and that you were crying too, sheaaaaaah!!!, you poor girl what difficulties of life you had to face in such a small age. . . .

Girl: Stop all this shit, what do you want, you . . .

Guy: [He is not stopping now]. . . . . and after that incident you ended you life by eating 12 and a half KG raw potatos, it is your ghost sitting here doing all things here in library. I am feeling sorry for you dear, i feel like crying.

Girl: [Screams at top of her voice] WILL YOU STOP!!!

Guy: [Pause] Thanks, atleast you are listening to me now. [Girl still angry, sits down quickly] So tell me what book are you reading?

Girl: Hmm.

[Guy, starts pulling his hair and cries very badly, slow fade out]


[To be continued]

Mother

Characters

Mother: A girl in her early 20’s
Old man: A man in his late 60’s
Devil

[Curtain opens to reveal a young, sweet and cute Girl was feeding her baby under a tree in an open lawn when the Devil accosted her in disguise of an old man]

Old man: Dear lady how cute are you and how cute is your baby!!!

Girl: My salutations sir, it's all your blessings.

Old man: Oh my dear don't call me sir, you can call me [with pride] the great mighty, the one and only, Dev. . [Realizing] err ,i mean you may simply call me uncle.

Girl: How may i help you uncle?

Old man: Nothing, nothing . . .i was just looking for ... . . for some way out of this lawn, you see i am an old man so i'm having memory lapses, old age [false laughter] he he he.

Girl: Sorry uncle even i don't know that, [sadly] i never go out myself . . .and i can't attend to you until i can finish with my baby.

Old man: Oh, take your time darling, take your time, it's perfectly all right. So who is the father of this baby, i want to meet him, is he there some where here [pretends to look here and there].

Girl: [sadly] I don't know who he is and where he is.[Finishes feeding her baby and keeps the baby in her lap and then dresses herself a little]

Old man: Oh Devil, i feel ashamed on what these bad guys do these days, ruining lives of young girls like you, leaving them in middle of situations and. . .

Girl: [embarrassed] No sir, i mean uncle, that is not the case, actually i am suffering from amnesia from the time this child was not even born.I just know that i am her mother and nothing else, please don't cast apprehensions on my character.

Old man: Oh no dear i was just . .please don't mind . . . so she's a girl, nice cute baby, [false laughter] he he he . . . Okie, so . . .so, you are alone here?

Girl: No, i live with my sister.

Old man: Sister??

Girl: Yes uncle sister and you know she is an angel, uncle, she is an angel. [her eyes moist]

Old man: What?? [Visibly shaken] Angel, oh Dev. ., [pretends as if he's not shaken] i guess i have to leave and find the way out on my own, already late and i have some urgent piece of work to do ,you know.

Girl: Farewell uncle. Sister could have helped you find a way out of the lawn had you stayed.

Old man: No need , no need, I will find it myself. My blessings, i will se you later for sure . . . . [Turns and starts to leave and then stops] wait a minute [turns back slowly] if she is an angel and you are her sister then you must be . . you must also be an angel, . . . which you are not . . [Angrily] were you lying to me??

Girl: [smiles] Oh uncle you completely misunderstood, i said she is an angel to me, to my baby, because had she not been there, I and my baby would not have survived . . . .

Old man: [Sigh of relief] Oh i thought . . . he he he [false laughter]

Girl: [continuing lost in her chain of thoughts] . . . . .she saved me from drowning in river, she saved our lives, and she gave us protection food shelter, and she is doing that till now, i call her sister but she is more than a mother to me. How could i ever repay her?

Old man: I can understand that dear.

Girl: And even then she says it's all the doing of the almighty God, what humbleness, if she would have been here, she would have attended to you very well.

Old man: [a spark in his eyes] so, you sure she is not here at the moment?

Girl: No she has gone out somewhere, even I don't know where she goes at times, and i don't know why i never ask...you know uncle i never felt like asking.

Old man: [Now smiling] and when she will be returning.

Girl: I don't know, but not soon i guess.

Old man: [almost laughing] Not soon? That means you are completely alone in this whole garden.

Girl: Yes, but now I am finished, i can help you find the way, let us both try roaming around the garden and . . . . But why are you laughing uncle.

Old man: [Laughing uproariously] Find a way? No need dear, now all the ways have been found dear lady. ... . [Prolonged laughter and lots of smoke and smog . . .]

[. . . and from beyond the smog emerges “The Devil”, his form cannot be explained in words, so please take your assumptions on that]

Girl: What? What’s all this? Help!! Please someone . . .

Devil: I need something girl, I need your baby, I will make her my disciple, my slave, and . . .

Girl: [Holds her baby tightly to her chest] Oh my God, who are you? Somebody help please . . .

Devil: [screams to his uppermost levels] nobody can ever help you [with his horrifying undertones] because I am the greatest of all, the supreme entity, the one and only THE EVIL.

Girl: The evil . . .

Devil: Yes the evil, D evil, Devil and Devil wants your child, and Devil shall have it.

[Girl tries to run but a circle of fire surrounds the vicinity restricts her to do so]

Devil: You cannot escape Devil, never [Laughing uproariously].

Girl: [With sudden anger, holding child tightly to her] I am going to kill you, you evil creature and I am not giving my child to you at any cost, get that straight into you mind [she picks up a stone and hits him with force].

Devil: [Stunned by sudden audacious acts of such a cute and timid looking girl] Devil is impressed, very impressed by your sudden change of role, from a mother to a warrior, huh. a warrior foolish enough to fight the mightiest of all. But why risk your life for this petty child, why do you love this child, this stupid thing, don’t you love your life, your . . .

Girl: No, get away.

Devil: [Controlling his anger] Okie, okie, even if you love her, then it is still nice, Devil will make her his discipline, [watches the child and says as if it was pretty obvious] she will make a great witch, don’t you think so, hence she has a great future in my arms, [to himself] then she will be my bride one day . . .[eyeing the girl from head to toe] and i sincerly hope she will be as beautiful as you are. Come on hand over the child to me.

Girl: No, no no, she is everything to me, she is the piece of my heart, I won’t ever give a flower like her to a crude killer like you.

Devil: Even if in process of saving her form Devil, you may as well loose your life?

Girl: Yes, you can’t take her until I am alive.

Devil: But what Devil is not able to understand is why the hell you love her so much, Devil had an explicit notion that people fear for their lives the most, mothers do love their children but not more than their lives, do they? Devil on the contrary thinks that you are disillusioned and making a . . . .

Girl: [Laughs a little] No it’s you who is disillusioned, a stone-hearted person like you cannot understand this feeling of motherhood, you cannot understand what it feels to be a mother, when you bear her for nine months in your womb, when you feed her, when you wait all the time when she will call you 'ma'.

Devil: [Angered] Enough of these futile cries, Devil has no spare time to listen to all these babblings of yours. Devil would have certainly torn your body into infinite pieces and burnt that in hell for a thousand years, [eyeing her lustily] but you are such a cute and lovely girl and Devil has certainly some other purposes to solve. Okie, so . . .so if you don’t give Devil your child, then you will have to give Devil something else.

Girl: What?

Devil: Devil is very impressed by your bodily beauty and want to taste it at any cost, so Devil wants you now,

Girl: [getting nervous by his gaze and holds her child tightly to her body] do you have no fear of God or church . . .

Devil: Fear and Devil are always on the other side of sword foolish girl, and not certainly God [Laughing uproariously].

Girl: [very nervous] Oh my God what shall I do now?

Devil: [Highly angered] if you say no now, Devil is going to kill you and you child both, just answer if you accept your proposal [observing that she clings tightly to her child] or death of your child. [Draws his sword]

Girl: No, no, please don’t kill my child, I will do whatever you want but promise you won’t harm my child, please promise me.

Devil: [Proudly] Devil’s words are his promise foolish girl.[Elated] But be quick and [False anger]don't waste my precious time.

Girl: [Taking some hard decicion in her mind] I am ready.

Devil:Well then keep the child there[points to the tree] and bow down before me, and remove your clothes thereafter.

[Girl keeps the child under the tree and sits on her knees before devil with her head bowed down]

Devil: [Laughs uproariously]

[Curtain]