Friday Night

Characters:

Girl: 18 to 22 years of age, a little pretty.
Six men: All 20-30 years of age, dressed according to their dispostions.

[Fade in, 6 men and 1 girl are there in the room around a round table and 4 to 5 chairs]

Existentialist: Lady and gentlemen, I welcome you all to our first meeting of 'Friday night discussions'. Today's topic is : Why do we live?

Optimist: We live because life has a lot of nice things in store for us.

Pessimist: No we are here to suffer; we live to suffer all our lives.

Existentialist: Not exactly, actually we can reduce our sufferings a lot, if we . . ..

Plagiarist: Yes, yes we can surely reduce our sufferings a lot.

Girl: [To Plagiarist] How?

Plagiarist: [To existentialist] Yes, how?

Absurdist: By being a Rhinoceros, [Laughs out aloud, stops] being a man will give you nothing.

Feminist: No one respects girls here; no one has offered this girl a seat yet. [Hits the girl with elbow]

Girl: [Now a sort of bored, suddenly getting furious] Yes, yes no respects for girls here.

Absurdist: No one respects Rhinos too, so what. [Laughs out aloud, stops] But one day i will be a Quarter-master General.

Optimist: I think he is talking about friendly White Rhinos of North Africa.

Pessimist: No, i think he is comparing us people to those bloody Rhinos.

Feminist: [ready to blast off] Everyone saw how he compared girls to Rhinos, such a daring assault is not aimed at a single girl but entire female race.[Hits the girl with elbow]

Girl: [Woken from sleep] What? . . . .yes, yes female foeticide is .. . [remembers a little] killing our roots.[smiles sheepishly to feminist]

Feminist: [Whispering] You idiot girl, [loudly] What are you people doing? Come on, this man is insulting females.

Plagiarist: Yes, this man is insulting females. He must be made to sniff the ground. [Starts rolling his sleeves in anger]

Absurdist: [indifferent and looking at nowhere] Dark Green fires from Reddish Black hell will burn your ultimate desires of having an imparted impulse.

Existentialist: Cool down people, we are deviating from the topic.

Plagiarist: [Rolling his sleevess down] Yes come on, we people are deviating from the topic.

Optimist: Hope this fight dies down soon.

Pessimist: It would never die down.

Optimist: [To the Pessimist, smiling] You will think positive one day.

Pessimist: [To the Optimist, mocking] You will never think negative any day.

Optimist: [Smiles] You will, one day.

Pessimist: [irritated] And you will never.

Optimist: [Smiles] But, you will, one day.

Pessimist:[Very angry] I will? But you will not live to see that day.

[Pessimist pounces upon Optimist and starts punching him]

Existentialist: [Loudly] See you people are making me angry, and .. . .

[But no one is listening to him, plagiarist and girl are seen flirting on one side, suddenly he says soemthing and she slaps him, in turn he slaps her, and the slapping cycle starts between the two.]

Feminist:[To Absurdist] I think you detest girls since you were born.

Absurdist: I think you were never born.

Feminist: You girl hater.

Absurdist: You ectoplastic creature.

Feminist: You narrow minded fellow.

Absurdist: You artless buffalo.

[At this the Feminist pounces upon Absurdist and starts punching him]

Existentialist: Stop it, [Threatens] see I was a dacoit 20 years ago . . .[no one is listening, so he screams] Stop iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit!!!!!!!!!!

[Everybody is fighting horribly and tearing each other's clothes, Existentialist goes out of the room through a black and white door]

Existentialist: [Enters with a Bazooka in his hands, screams] Stop this immediately or i will shoot you all.

[Suddenly a shoe comes flying and hits his nose hard and in rage he fires all over the room, everybody is badly wounded except the girl]

Optimist: We will live. [dies]

Pessimist: Take my final salute people. [dies]

Feminist: Long live the revolution. [dies]

Absurdist: Quintessential apples are here again. [dies]

Plagiarist: Yes, apples are here again. [dies]

[A deafening silence all over the room]

Girl: Thanks, you didn't kill me.

Existentialist: Well, well, so this is life, let's get on with it . .

[Existentialist moving towards the girl, slow Curtain]

Rendezvous with Deepu Bemisaal

Characters:

D.U. : Deeptanshu Upadhyaya alias Deepu;

(Some children prefer to call him ‘Deep’’trance’shu at their own risk, an analogous character can be found played by some supporting actors in some old - black and white hollywood movies, known for their ‘pyaari’ smile.

Lalz a.k.a Lallan, yours truly : A guide, mentor and dictator to Deeptanshu.

[Curtain opens]
[Lalz comes sauntering, and encounters Deeptanshu all of a sudden]

D.U.: Aapke minors finish ho gaye?

Lalz: [Still under spell of his smile] Hey Arbit! How are you doin?

D.U.: Aabit to nahi hi hu main.

Lalz: Abe o! It’s 'Arbit' not 'Aabit' as you said.

D.U.: Aabit is aabit.

Lalz: How wud you say ‘normal’.

D.U.: [Smiles] Nomal.

Lalz: [threatened] Indeed you have a very 'killer' accent.

D.U.: [Smiles] Accented to nahi hi hu main.

Lalz: To kya hai fir?

D.U.: Hmm, lemme think.[His lips tightly closed]

Lalz: K.K.A.P. hai tu?

D.U.: K.K.A.P toh nahi hi hu main.

Lalz: Fighter?

D.U.: Fighter toh nahi hi hu main.

Lalz: Maggu?

D.U.: Maggu toh nahi hi hu main.

Lalz: Deeptanshu?

D.U.: Deeptanshu toh nahi hi hu . . .ohh sorry Deeptanshu hi toh hu main. Acha ab main jaara hu.

[Deeptanshu runs away howling and jumping to play bat-ball]

[Curtain]

(K.K.A.P : K* ka Arbit Pilla)
(Characters in above conversation closely resemble some people living or dead but still all the comparisons made will be purely conincidential)

Act2

[Fadein, Girl and Guy are sitting at an outlet]

Guy: Do you remember the time when I said something to you and you did'nt talk to me for a week?

Girl: Yeah. I was a little immature then and . .

Guy: Why are we sitting? Let's have a walk. Shall we?

Girl: Ok

[They start to walk]

Guy: I am . . I mean I feel very sorry for all that.

Girl: For what?

Guy: I said all those 'bad' things to you, and used to irritate you a lot.

Girl: I told you na, i was immature and you were also immature then, so just forget it. It has been one and a half years since then and now we are friends. Let's sit there.

[They sit at a bench/pavement]

Guy: Yes, offcourse we are friends.

Girl: But one thing i want to say to you, let us always be nice friends only.

Guy: What? . . .Yes offcourse.

Girl: [Still lost in herself] Never be senti on me.

Guy: Yeah, never.

Girl: And we have shared a lot of things, we have been almost together for last one and half years.

Guy: And you know what I feel . . .

Girl: By the way have you written the ABC### prac?

Guy: Not written, got xeroxed from someone.

Girl: Jugadoo. [laughs]

Guy: [smiles] Yes, You know what I feel . . .

Girl: Give it to me.

Guy: Kya? Oh, Prac. [Takes some sheet of papers out of his bag and hands over to her, which she keeps in her bag.]

Guy: [Guy tries to hold her hands] And you know what I feel . . .

Girl: What was that?

Guy: I was just trying to hold your hands. Is that wrong?

Girl: Yes, it's wrong, I told you that day also.

Guy: Can't I just . . .

Girl: No, never dare touch me again.

Guy: But we were supposed to be good friends, weren't we?

Girl: So be like friends only.

Guy: Sorry.

Girl: It's ok.

Guy: I never intended to . . .

Girl: I told you it's ok, we would be make nice friends, always helping each other, hai na??

Guy: Yes Offcourse.

[Guy2 enters the scene]

Guy2: [to girl] Hi baby.

Girl: [With rapture] Hiiiiiee!

Guy2: You had lunch?

Girl: No.

Guy2: Okie then lets go.

Girl: [Stands up] Where to?

Guy2: Wherever you wish?

Girl: [to Guy or Guy1 as you may call him] Okie i am going.

Guy: But . .

[Girl and Guy2 start to leave]

Girl: [to Guy2] You know as we have known each other for last 3 months . . .

[Both exit, Guy is left]

Guy: [Looks in sky] Alas, I am a non-smoker, tea-totaler.

[Fadeout]